How to?

My birthday is in one month & one day. Each one is a bit of a struggle for me. Not from an "I'm getting old" point of view. I've never lied about my age and I'm glad for each one that I see. No, often it feels as if no one remembers (I don't count Facebook folk in that since Facebook reminds them).

It goes back a long way. As a child, I never had a birthday party. Looking back, I know it was because we didn't have money for extra things like that. And because (in all honesty) I believe my parents would have been embarrassed by the state of houses we lived in. I know I would have been if I could have seen past never having parties or having people over. As an adult, I've gone out for lunches and dinner from time to time but if I don't organize it, nothing happens. (Which is probably a good thing in a way since I really, really dislike surprise parties. Might work on-line but in person ... not so much. Lots of blushing and being flustered and somehow, I don't have a good time.)

I've always been the one who remembers birthdays, who posts messages or sends emails, or even real, honest to goodness, paper cards. But for mine, no one seems to be available to help me celebrate. Maybe it's the time of year. I know distance is part of it. People are busy.

This year, I'm turning 49. 7 squared. How do I celebrate? I'm feeling the need for a ritual or rite or some solid way to commemorate it. So far, I have booked a vacation day (if I was in charge of the world, everyone would have their birthday off without it having to come from vacation time) and a massage. There may be dinner out with a very good local friend.

I don't need 'things'. I've named 2013 as "the year of edit" - a reminder to remove what doesn't serve me and expand on the things that do. But I do need a way to acknowledge & celebrate my time here. And I don't know where to begin.