What is home?

Earlier this week, one of the apartment supers dropped by to let me know how much my rent will go up in July. As she always does, she told me I was now month to month (meaning - my initial 12 month lease is done) but that I need to give them 60 days notice if I'm moving. Then she quickly added, 'But don't move.'

Both parts - no more lease & 'don't move' - made me laugh. I try to be a good tenant; only contacting them for things that are real problems, trying not to be too loud or annoy the neighbours. Don't get me wrong. There are things I could complain about but it's really not worth it. I'd rather they take me seriously when I contact them.

My lease ran out in 2013. I find it hard to believe I've been in this place for that long. Not just in a 'look how quickly time moves' way but in the plans I had for being here. There were issues in my old building - both neighbours and the owner. This was going to be a new start. But when I look around, I see the same things I've seen for most of my years.

Boxes. Piles. Unfinished projects. Pieces for other projects.

Every place I've ever lived has had those things and more. I grew up with boxes of things we held onto ... just in case. They were in every room. The piles are part of the way I process things, so I need to learn how to work with them better. (I can spend hours cleaning out cupboards but, as soon as the door is closed, it doesn't feel like I've accomplished anything.)

I look around and see these things but, just because they've always been there, they don't make it home.

I've been thinking about will make this apartment work for me. What furniture and extras (a tv perhaps) do I need? How do I find my creative spark again? I realized they aren't simple questions. I have no idea how to define 'home'.

I suppose that's not entirely true. Home includes a place to rest. A place to create. A safe place.

How much of my inertia is wrapped up in the defining of things? In the questioning of what's important to me?

I don't have the answers yet. It really is a case of taking it one day, one step at a time.